Image courtesy of MTV

So the Jersey Shore kids are all a bunch of “actors”. I knew nobody could be that obnoxious and stupid. I mean, what kind of person wears clothes that are that tacky, outfits that resemble a hookers uniform, and spends 20minutes on “gel-ing” their hair?

And can someone explain to me how being a Guido or Guidette is authentic Italian or showcasing one’s Italian pride. I’ve been to several Italian cities, and nobody - nobody - behaves or dresses like this. An Italian with class is far from such an image - and they do not call dancing “beat the beat”.

But it was all a charade. Apparently, the Shorites are nothing more than high-class British actors:

The REAL Situation (Feat. MTV Jersey Shore’s The Situation, Snooki, and Pauly D) - watch more funny videos

On a separate but equally related note, the NY Times offers an amusing guide on how to understand that subculture:

• Jacuzzi n. 1. A type of hot water tub with air jets developed by Candido Jacuzzi, an Italian-American, in 1948. 2. A tool of seduction. Usage: “I had so much respect for those boys until I watched them in that Jacuzzi with those girls.” — Angelina, Episode 1.

• The Jersey Shore n. 1. A 130-mile stretch of New Jersey coastline from Sandy Hook in the north to Cape May in the south. 2. A meeting ground where “Guidettes” [see entry] encounter tanned and muscular “Guidos” [see entry] at nightclubs for dancing and making out before returning to the Jacuzzi [see entry]. Also: The Shore.

• Nickname n. 1. An obligatory variation on a given name, often phonetically related and sometimes only thematically so. Nicknames range from the basic (cf Ronald à Ronnie, Paul à Pauly D., Vincent à Vinny, Samantha à Sammi) to more abstract plays on a given name (Nicole à Snooki, Jenni à Jwoww) to extreme examples of metonymy (cf Michael, who calls his well-defined abdominal muscles “The Situation,” and because they are his defining feature, he himself is called “The Situation”). Usage: “ ‘The Situation’ is indescribable. You can’t describe ‘The Situation.’ ” — Michael, “The Situation,” describing the situation, Episode 1.

• Lip Care, Proper 1. Lip care for men is an extremely large cosmetic concern. The lips of young males need steady and constant application of lip balm and lip gloss. One reason may be the constant bottom-lip-biting, part of the hookup face.

• Hair, Men Hair is usually worn short (buzzer attachment No. 2 on the sides and No. 3 on top) with the edges well defined along the hairline. For slightly longer hair (cf Pauly D. and Ronnie), a regimen of hair care involving a brush, a blow-dryer, two hours and a strong hair gel is needed. Styles include the duck-spined faux hawk, sported by Ronnie, and the Malignaggi, a style in which the hair lies like a mesa above the brow, made popular by the boxer Paulie Malignaggi.

• Hair, Women During the day, hair is usually worn long and straightened, often dyed black or highlighted. At night, a high “pouf” is obligatory.

• Guido [m], Guidette [f], n. Originally an ethnic slur against Italian immigrants to America, since Guido was a common Italian Christian name (cf the Florentine poet Guido Cavalcanti, the Benedictine music theorist Guido d’Arezzo, the graphic artist Guido Silvestri), the term has been reappropriated, Judith Butler-style, by some Italian-Americans along the Jersey Shore [see entry] and now refers to a complex of aesthetic and moral choices made by young Italian-Americans. Among the values espoused by the self-described “Guidos” of “Jersey Shore”: heavy tanning, muscular definition, a labor-intensive toiletry regimen, family and hooking up.

• Ron Ron Juice n. 1. A highly alcoholic, brightly colored aperitif consisting of blended Stolichnaya vodka, watermelon juice, cherries, cranberry juice and ice, named after its creator, Ronnie. Usage: “Ron Ron Juice is the bomb. Whenever it comes out, it’s a filthy night” — Ronnie, Episode 1. [Note: A portion of Ronnie’s preceding quotation was edited by The Moment for appropriateness.]

• Shirts, Men In a casual setting and unless otherwise noted, as at restaurants and places of business, shirts are optional and indeed a hindrance. For formal occasions, wide-collared dress shirts, untucked and with floral patterns, are the only appropriate choice.

• Shirts, Women Acceptable décolletage ranges from midsternum to belly button.

• Cologne, Application of Cologne should be applied with a minimum of four squirts, though up to eight is acceptable. Each wrist receives a full squirt while the chest area and neck can sustain four to five equally spaced squirts.

For the record, this show is interesting for a day when you’re confined at home due to record snow.